Why toxic friendships don’t exist

Some “signs” of supposed “toxic friends”:

  • They only talk about themselves
  • They’re only there when they need something from you
  • They don’t do you favours
  • Maybe they ask you for money

The list carries on… however does that make them ‘toxic’?

‘Toxic’ friendships don’t actually exist. 

“Toxic” is your interpretation. Like a drug addict sees their dealer as their saviour, you might see them as the scum of society. Maybe you see your girlfriend as a trophy and great in bed, your boyfriend as a cash cow and an accessory, or on the flipside, you see them as the love of your life and you cherish and care for them, and would take a bullet to save their life- it is your viewpoint.   

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With the list above- notice that all of those items relate to “you”.

It is actually your expectation of what you expect them to be and do. You want them to ask how you are doing, and when they don’t – you are disappointed. You expect them to help you out when you need it and get upset if they don’t.

And it is primarily your expectation that leads you to labelling them ‘toxic’.

As with everything, we are human. We go to work, we expect to get paid. Crack a joke, we expect (and hope) people will laugh. If we wear an amazing piece of clothing, some of us expect compliments and attention.

And with friendships it is no different. Cool parties, introductions to others, favours, attention, care, money. If they don’t fulfil your expectations, I’ve heard the expression ‘they are dead to me’, ‘useless’ , and finally-  ‘toxic’.

Yes some people are inherently mean for no reason, they do bad things, but then why are you even talking/considering them?

For those you have labelled “toxic” – ask yourself first whether they are actually “toxic”, or are they simply not meeting the expectations you have imposed on them on how you think they should talk/act/walk as your “friend”.

Letting go  

Letting go is really easy. You either let go of your own expectations of how you expect your ‘friend’ to behave, or you let go of the ‘friend’ and move on with life.

We are all just ants crawling around on this big rock 🙂

On my travels I’ve met “friends”, acquaintances, “toxic” friends, love interests, some have kept in touch with me over the years, some I have kept in touch with over the years, some have completely forgotten about me, and I with them.

Everything is in a perpetual state of change, I don’t believe people get married thinking they are going to divorce in 5 years time, cheat on each other, but it happens.

Like with any relationship, friends or lovers, some are ready, some aren’t.

We can only control things within our power, and that is our thought process and our interpretation of the world around us – this also includes labeling whether our “friendships” are indeed “toxic” or not.

However if you are finding difficulty letting go of your thoughts – I’ve written an entire blog post dedicated to how to stop your mind racing here for you.


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