Live for yourself
“Sorry can we reschedule our meeting to 5:30pm?” (….WTF. I leave at 5. Reschedule to 5:30 and the other half will kill me if I’m late for dinner..!)
“Of course, whatever time works best for you Bob.”
Okay in the above example, it’s a bit more complicated – i.e. if you’re a borderline performer, £20k in debt and your employer is in the midst of a restructuring, probably better say yes.. especially in the middle of this pandemic.
But the principle is the same, for the sake of ‘living for yourself’ should you tell your boss “sorry already have plans”, or suck it up and do the above.
If your boss is around, do you suddenly become super serious and professional, talking about the latest development in the project which you’re contributing to with your colleagues.
If you have Instagram, how many pictures are for yourself to reflect and remember, and how many are to say to all your followers “hey look at me! Look at this cool food/place I’m doing! Isn’t my life amazing!” (I’ve previously written about social media and why it isn’t that amazing)
Happiness and confidence is too important to be placed on somebody else’s whim
These people don’t work hard enough for their opinion to matter to you. Life is too short to submit to other people’s opinion, your self assessment has to matter than anything else.
She doesn’t like your dress? Great, you’re the only one with this dress on tonight! Kate Moss- Eh,average.
We must accept that no matter who we are, what personality we put forward facing others, the law of averages dictates that whatever we do or say, 1/3rd of the world will love us, 1/3rd won’t care, and 1/3rd will hate.
How do I do this though? I hear you ask..
Aha the tricky part which has taken myself a long time to master, challenging but so worthwhile.
In order to come up with an unbiased self assessment of what you really want, you need to be able to cultivate Mindfulness.
It has allowed myself and a number of others to successfully detach ourselves from our immediate thoughts and to look at them from a birds eye view.
Using this you can block out the torrent of social media, advertising that bombards your subconscious, people’s negative comments and actually live for yourself.
Discern from what society tells you that you should aspire and strive for: fame, money, status symbols, an extremely good looking boyfriend/girlfriend, always having an amazing time – pleasure is a temporary and unfulfilling false god. (I won’t lie though, it does feel good at the time, which is why so many people get addicted. Compliments, drugs, alcohol…)
Once you develop mindfulness you should be able to critically evaluate your priorities, and be able to tell the difference between what you really enjoy doing, and what you do for the sake of doing for things like boosting your image/ego – and start cutting these out. It can also be used to understand loneliness (I’ve written a guide on how to overcome loneliness – read more about it here)
Maybe you have some toxic friends (which aren’t actually “toxic”) that you would like to cut out from your life. Or maybe you can’t sleep, and need to learn how to stop your mind racing about that person, or something that happened earlier.
Everyone is unique, I cannot give you a prescriptive formula to identify exactly what is holding you personally back, but I can tell you that the key is for you to discover it, and eventually live for yourself.
Live for yourself with no regrets. Make the most of this blessing called life. 🙂
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